The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors.
Then he went home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for ten years!"
His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
Top Ten accident excuses used by Drivers:
10. My truck was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
9. I hit a stationary truck that was coming from another direction.
8. Coming home, I drove into the wrong yard, and collided with a tree I don't have.
7. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its path when it hit me.
6. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
5. The guy was all over he road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
4. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my truck and vanished.
3. I had been driving my truck for 40 years when I fell asleep and had an accident.
2. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go--so I ran over him.
And the #1 excuse is:
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE
Top 12 Things NOT To Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
(OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific.
The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around.
That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red,
have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
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(Please note that these columns are written several weeks in advance so publishing the humor will be delayed accordingly.)