A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.
He drove to the shopping center and ran to the toy shop and he asked the manager: "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied: "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95 'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" the dad asked.
"'Divorced Barbie' comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture," replied the shop manager.
A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils,
"Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night?"
"My MUMMY says my prayers." A little boy answered.
"I see," said the teacher, "and what does your Mummy SAY?"
"THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!"
On the OTHER hand:
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind.
As he turned to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes.
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him.
At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!"
Just then, time stopped.
The bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped moving.
A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit my creation to a cosmic accident and now do you except me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist, ever prideful, looked into the light and said "it would be rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well", said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, the sounds of the forest continued and the bear put his paw down.
The bear then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said," Lord I thank you for this food which I am about to receive".
The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more.
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